Monday, July 31, 2006

I had a long night last night. The events of my night made me think long and hard about myself. Am I too trusting. Am I too believing that everyone around me can bluff me ? I dont just mean people who are close to me, I mean people who aren't close to me too. Some times I think lying to me is easy cos when I know some I trust the person with everything.

Trust. When should I actually trust someone. When should I draw the line. I lived my 20 yrs of life on one poilcy. "See life through the eyes of a child"Thats what I want to do. That is what I alwats try to do. I take comfort in simple colour little toys that would properly be junk to anyone else. I dont like things complicated. I cry when I am sad I laugh when I am happy. I dont like pretending. I have my little toys for comfort. Am I too childish and naive thats why the world think they can bluff me ? Am I such a push over? Should I start off by being fierce and vicious with a person before I can trust the person?

Maybe I should take a new outlook to life. Be vicious. Be critical and Skeptical. Isn't that how the whole world is like? I should be selfish. That would get me far. I had gotten many people far. From today onwards I shall try to be selfish. I get what I want. I dont care if it would hurt others. Why should I bother about how others feel when at the end of the day its people who cause me so much pain. I live for myself. I live to make myself happy. I do what I want. Fuck the world, fuck what people want me to do.

It does not pay to be nice. Especially when you get hurt by someone who you love so much. I want to be like you I want to be mean adn vicious and be able to lie without blinking. At least I would have the upper hand, I would not get hurt again.

I can't move on. I can't look pass this. I dont want to think about it but everytime I do I hate myself for giving you another chance. You dont deserve it, after what you done to me. I think you are right on one thing, "Deep done inside I know you can change". Yes deep down inside I know you change but as at today i dont know what to believe. I am having a conflict with myself. Part of me wants to believe you and feel that you should be given another chance but part me of hates you for what you have done. I dont know which side will win in the end but as at today, I still want to believe you and I am trying very very hard.

I'm in so much pain now. I really am. I dont know how am I going to go through my day without suddenly having a mental breakdown

Posted by jasmine at 8:25 AM

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Eventful evening!

I hate assumptions. My mother just did one today evening, yes just 10-15 mins ago. The result, a pissed off bro and a relief jas, cos she was not made a fool of.

I have a few questions to ask. Pls give me an answer if you have any...

1) Will be believe what you see or what your head/heart is telling you if "seeing is believing"
2) How do you start studying for a paper when all that you can think of is how close the end is .
3) Give me 1 very good reason why life is still exciting when everyday is a routine.
4) What do you do when you love your job but you think your employees are stupid people? (my situation is quite different)
5) Do you think I am psyco?

Posted by jasmine at 6:22 PM

Friday, July 28, 2006

my night ended with an unexpected twist. I wanted to start the day by flaming a person but now I am ending my day by saying thank you for making my day.

thanks :D

Posted by jasmine at 10:52 PM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

HEllOOO WEEKEND..

THere are a few things Jasmine has the do this weekend.

1) Die Die also must get a new HP
2) Pack my room.
3) Study for EM
4) Catch up on my TV prog
5) Prep for my masterlife this sunday
6) Catch up on my exercises

The week has been a long hectic one. I am glad the weekend is here. I am burning my earnings fast. I spend abt $200 in this week alone. Treating ppl and stuff. Haha* how to buy my slick new HP like that? 3 more weeks to my pay day again. Must eat rice n light sauce everyday now.

Posted by jasmine at 8:23 AM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Tampines Pri is having some racial harmony fair today.

There is COTTON CANDY n MALT candy and VADAII and Ka-chang-pu-tay... Ultimate happiness...

I'm I a psycotic bitch? Do I find fault with everyone when I am not happy?

I want to be "bo chap".. Can someone teach me how?

Posted by jasmine at 8:54 AM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I am not in a good mood now. The rabbits in school were attacked today. I am not tolerant of animal abuse. Besides that, I have to let something out.

I cancelled my plans for you today. Was suppose to meet a friend for dinner. I told my friend no cos I tot we could do something tonight. Then u tell me you are not free . Nvm abt it ( I try not to bother).

Am I asking for too much. I work. U work too. I would like to spend time with you like we use to before. Before I started working. Before I knew the meaning of the word busy. I hardly have time for myself yet I am willing to give it to you.

Ok so its my fault this time. I didnt tell you that I wanted to spend tonight together. I guess it is.
I dont like doing self reflection. I really dont. Why is it when I am feeling pissed off I hate everything in the world.

No you didnt piss me off that much. Just a little. I am some how used to it. Emmune to it. I dont have expectations of you. I dont want any. Cos I have been disappointed way too many times. I am still waiting for you to do something that you have told me you would do. I dont know why I am still being so patient. But I'll wait. I dont know how long more can I tolerate. I see it mocking me every time.You can spend money on something that makes you happy. I am fine with that. But have you ever thought about spending money on making me happy?I never ask from you much. I never do. So now you don't. You don't anymore. I like surprises. But it seems like the surprises you have been givng me only hurt.

Dont ask me abt it, i wouldn't say. You should know it yourself. After all its you who said that you would make the changes from day one.

You dont realise it.
But I do.
And it hurts.

Posted by jasmine at 4:06 PM

Jasmine has decided that she shall document all the food she loves to eat...

Chicken Wings
Fried Wanton
Deep Fried Spring Rolls
Chicken rice ( nasi ayam) <- i prefer the malay version
Mee soto
Nasi Goreng Ikan Billis
Cream of Chicken Soup
Popcorn Chicken
Prawn Noodles
Lagsana
Fried Wanton Noodles extra chilli pls
Minced Pork Noodles, no meat extra chilli
Go Pao Chicken
Muthu Fish head curry
Cheesy prata
Indian Candy
Vadai with big fat green chilli
Tom Yum Soup
Thai deserts
Cheesy sausage
Cheesy and Chocolate Fondue
Fish Burger
Seaweed Chicken
Burger Ramily!

Should be all hahaha.. with the exception of some food here and there hahaha No wonder Jasmine is puttting on weight like a HIPPO

Posted by jasmine at 9:18 AM

Friday, July 14, 2006

I am suffering from a rare but really sad disease. Chicken wing overdose.

For those who know me, you guys should know my chicken wing eat capacity- endless. I can consume chicken wings after chicken wings and not stop. I have eaten 20 in a meal, just one meal, before.

I think I am getting old. My body is failing me. I had 4 wings and 3 drumlets on wednesday night, 3 drumlets on thursday afternoon and 3 wings and 2 drumlets last night. I dont know why but my tummy has been feeling funny ever since. I was already getting the queasy feeling on thursday morning, but greedy me ate alot of thursday's dinner. I even had 2 bowls of rice with sambal! I eat alot :( . Not good, considering that my output of energy dont match my intake. I'll get fat. I think my daddy is being racist here, he says that if I dont put on weight I cant wear a sari, it would just fall off me.

I have not eaten much today. The usual la, a fish burger in the morning, a prawn flitter and spring roll for lunch and a tibits along the way. My daddy says my eating habits are like those of kids. He says kids like sweet stuff and dry food. I object! I do take soupy stuff. I take cream of chicken soup or chicken wing stew! (only these 2) yes I am a fussy eater. And thanks to someone .. i'm now a bambi meat lover. :(

Posted by jasmine at 2:20 PM

Monday, July 10, 2006

Dear "Fudgie Boy",
In light of all the things happening in my life, I want to say I love you. I was looking around my workplace and blog surfing and suddenly I felt this urge to tell you I love you. I've not been exactly the nicest person to you, at time even vicious. Sometimes when I look back to when things started I feel so happy. I was reading some of your messages I saved last night. I couldnt help but cry. Y cry? Cos I was so touched. I was touched by how much you care for me. I doubt I would ever find any other person who would love me like you do. I know its very mushy and stuff, but I guess if I dont say it now I would forget to tell you this. You are the bestest thing that have happened to me.

Love always,
Your "Precious bear"

Jasmine has been finding it harder and harder to rest these few days.

I have alot of things on my mind. Now that Nattie has gone back, I'm really really sad. I didnt expect 2 weeks to just end like this. Sigh* I'm getting all emo and stuff cos lately I'm feeling alot. I kinda think I need emotional support somewhere. I am like a zombie now. Try not being able to sleep properly for 4 nights. it doesnt help that I have not started on my projects. Oh well... I guess things have to go down before it can go up...

Posted by jasmine at 9:38 AM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Jasmine is very very free today. She has been doing literally nothing the entire day with exception of the staff meeting she attended at 12 noon today. As monday was a school holiday(but not a school holiday for Jasmine.), she decided to take some photos of her desk.

This is Jasmine's, No NO, Princess Jasmine's desk.

These are Jasmine's hamsters. If you can see the guy at the background, that is Kevin Tan. He is sitting beside Jasmine. He's a nice guy with a very nice gf. He showed me her photo today! :D

Posted by jasmine at 3:54 PM

Sunday, July 02, 2006

[PERSON ONE]:Nattie
1) How long have you known this person?-- literally forever
2) Where does this person live?-- tampines and canda
3) Why is this person in spot 1?:-- cos she's my bestie pal!
4) How did you meet?-- I think in our sunday sch days at geylang methodist
5) Have you made out with this person?-- hahaha* ahhaha* no

[PERSON TWO]: Rupen
1) Is this person older than you?:-- ya.. 4 yrs
2) Have you done anything illegal withthis person?-- haha* erm.. maybe
3) What song(s) remind you of this person?-- something about you- five for figthing. still remeber him singing it before TROY
4) Do you trust him/her?:-- ya
5) How did you meet?-- hmmm good question.. MSN? Church?

[PERSON THREE]: Damon froggy
1) What movie reminds you of this person?-- Erm.. Jungle Book cos he did tat aH meng face tat time.. go see Katie's blog hahaha
2) Does he/she have any siblings?:-- ya
3)How did u meet?-- school
4) Is this person athletic?-- no.. at least thats the impression he gives me la
5) What do you like most about this person?-- erm .. HIS CAR
6) Has this person went in to your hse?-- nope

[PERSON FOUR]: Katie baby
1)Who is this person's best friend?-- jasmine n grace :P
2) Why is this person in your top 6?-- cos she's katie baby
3) When's the last time you saw thisperson?-- on sat
4) Does this person have a crush on anyone?-- haha.. she can crush ppl... she has a chaffuer
5) What do you like most about this person?-- her style ..

[PERSON FIVE]: Gracey sweetie
1) Do you know this persons parents?-- nope
2) What type of clothes does this person wear?-- sailor clothes..
3) Have you been to his/her house?-- nope, i'm scared of her doggy
4) What's your favorite memory with him/her?-- her Birthday !

[PERSON SIX]: Pamiflu
1) What's your favorite thing about this person?-- the way she eats
2) What are this person's hobbies?--eating sleeping
3) What do you think of this person?-- perpetually hungry
4) Song that reminds you of this person?-- Crazy frog.. Ding Ding
5) How long do you want to stay in touch with this person?-- erm.. forever la .. hahaha
6) How did u meet?--school tp

[ABOUT ALL OF THEM]
Out of your top six,who did you last ride with in a vehicle? Nattie
Would 4 and 6 make a good couple? NO haha both are girls
Who has SEEN you cry?-- erm, nattie, rupen, pam and damon
Do 2 and 3 like each other?-- i would assume so
Which two people on your list are different from the rest?--er rupen n pam
Have you ever kissed anyone on your top 6?-- YES
Who have you known the longest?- nattie
Who did you last talk to?-- rupen
Whodid you go to the movies with last?-- rupen
Who did you comment last?-- comment? rupen lor
Do any of the people have a crush on you?-- hahaa yes EVERYONE loves jasmine

Posted by jasmine at 1:02 PM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

After not blogging for the longest time, my first post after a week is going to be a "sad" post.

I am fed up. Of what?

1) My fucking screwed up company
2) The fact that I have literally no time for myself.. I have to give tuition twice a week, work everyday, spend time with my family and bf and try to study at the same time
3) My tution kid is getting on my nerves.
4) I have nothing to do at work.
5) People who do certian things get away with it and I don't

I am so fed up of all the nonsense my company is putting me through. Its over for now, but it is going to happen again. I feel so lonely. I try to share this with ppl around me but they give me that "Stop complaining" look. I know no one is in the same situation as me but at least listen la.
I'm still emotionally scarred from last week. I'm sorry it would take me a while to forgive. I still think about it. It hurts me to think that someone can behave in that way. Nattie is leaving soon. I have not had the time to spend with her. My parents are being annoying. Kids my age get to go out late with out reporting, they get to go zouk and stuff( not like I want to la) On days that I stay out late I have to beg and plead. Its like FUCK. Seriously I dont care now if people would read my blog and critise. Its MINE after all. I deserve the right to say the things I want to.
I have to move on with my life and not dwell on the things being said and done for the past week. Many people hurt me in the past week and I know I have been nothing but vicious to those who offended me.

Daniel and Adrian is right, I can give lethal injections and "sayang" later. I am a sadist.