Monday, May 30, 2005

there have been something seriously wrong with me.. seriously, who sleeps every night and wake up at like 2-3 hours intervals...i have been going through my whole "depression" thingy again.. you know the kind of shitty mind games that tell you
"nobody love me , everybody hates me, i should go and eat some worms"

everything seem to matter to me now .. i blow up at the slightest thing... y? wats wrong with me? its not PMS , i'm sure of that .. i am so edgy that i am sure i can commit murder .. or should i say cupible homicide... on grave and sudden provocation.. s300(c) of the penal code.. FUCK! what the hell is wrong with me..

my weekend was like an emotional rollercoaster ride... lost my temper at my darling.. cried until my house flooded for no apparent reason.. went for a b'day party and felt super upset and lefted out.. hate the sight of ppl.. one of my friends advised my to see a skrink abt my problem.. had some alcohol and ciggys..kiss and made up with him .. so everything should bo ok liao right? went to complete my level one rock climbing than had to rush down for some thanksgiving service..and dinner with a grp of friends..went home and tried to sleep.. guess what.. i slept at 11 plus and woke up at 3 am !! and guess what ! i have been up since.. tossing and turning in bed.. now its 845am.. ha... 5hr 45 mins .. 5 long fucking hours.. lying in bed .. drifting in and out of sleep... again.. this is happening far too often.. it has been like that for more than one week... or should i say this is the 3rd time this is happening this year.. this phrase can last of months .. if lucky 2-3 weeks...

FUCK whats wrong with me...

Posted by jasmine at 7:27 AM

Thursday, May 26, 2005

k .. its me again.. ranting and raving about how much i hate my new class.. freaks i tell u !! all freaks.. i am stuck in a class of FREAKS ... a perv, a mugger toad, some mouse face "aunty-fied" girl.. oh god.. pls save me ... i am with freaks..

its a freakshow here at TP in the class of 05, law and management.. oh god.. oh god.. help help... is there anyone who can save me.. can u pls take me home.. its gonna be a damn long year...

ok maybe i should look at it the other way.. maybe i am the freak and they are not.. come on i should not always look and ppl and say they are freaks.. i could be the freak! .. maybe i am the freak ! the freak of nature.. the girl who everyone ignores... maybe just maybe... but i think for this sem, i would ignore them... i'll just pray that fate would be kind and give me someone.. just one non freak in my class !!!

Posted by jasmine at 9:34 PM

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

3rd of sch.. 3rd day of a very long sch year.. i am feeling horrible now.. must be the ciggys.. seriously.. yuck! .. maybe now i will quit.. maybe..

i feel terrible... physically... i feel so sick... my head is killing me.. migraine phase again? .. terible.. i wanna sleep now.. fucking arse is in the toliet..

had really terrible nights for the pass few days.. hadn't slept much.. i need something.. i know i do .. really. bad.. oh well.. lets see how long more i can tahan this..

Posted by jasmine at 4:14 PM

Saturday, May 21, 2005

fuck ! seriously... FUCK .. i hate saturdays.. i have to pretend to be this really good girl.. go church .. put on tat halo.. be an angel.. wat the fuck.. what i wouldn't give to let loose andbe myself.. i hate going for YAM seriously do.. y? i don't know shit there.. i have not done my PDL in weeks and i am in no mood for this holy shit .. i am fustrated and tired.. the last thing i need is the God loves you shit.. i dont want to go church today.. i dont want.. but what sick excuse now? last week i was going out with friends.. the week before sick...now i really don;t know..

Posted by jasmine at 11:08 AM

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Nothing beats having a ciggy, a dim room and good music. A wonderful way to unwind after a long day of socialising. A guess this equation needs a nice cold beer.

I have so many ideas. Thoughts. Things racing through my mind. Things I want to do. Things I have to do. Things that would have to be done.
U
You are always on my mind. Yes U. i love you
Some times when I look back at life, I ask myself. Would I be who I am today if I hadn't seen the things I have seen. Felt the things I felt.My heart goes out to the many who are still going through life. I still am. Still exploring the various posibilties. But is that what life should be all about?
"Take this love and take this down. If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills well maybe, the landslide will bring you down."
Radom words from a song. Random feelings.Radom thoughts. COnfus thoughts for the youths today. Raves and rants of a life that should never have been. Thats me at 233ohrs at night. Rants and ravings of a girl who just can't sleep. Crys of desperation? I don't know.
I love you. Y? I don't know. Maybe you are the one. Are you the one?
"theres a little bit of something me and everything is you"

Posted by jasmine at 10:20 PM