Thursday, June 30, 2005
JAs is so tired... Jas is so stress...the list of things to do is getting longer n longer...
jas is highly strung.. jas is going to blow anytime..
ARGH... i need therapy... some kind of therapy... any kind ! .. shit .. i am so busy n i have only one thing on my mind.. NOT GOOD.. HELL .. NOT GOOD
Posted by jasmine at 11:15 PM
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Looking beyond what there is ....Today is wednesday 29 of June. More than half a year have pasted. What have I been doing all this while?
Looking back .....
I'm now in my final year of poly. For the past half year I have completed my 2nd year in poly. Got a stupid job at some stupid Law firm. Realise that what I want to do for at least the next 3 years of my life. I wanna act, get into the entertainment industry n I want to fly. I also came to realise who are the most important ppl in my life. At this point I must say Rupen is one of them. I really cannot imagine what things would be if I had not started going out with him. haha..
What lies ahead...
The next half a year looks scary. It really does. I may be going to Perth for 2 months. VanIsh from singapore. I may be stuck here. I have applied for SIA n I may start flying in MArch or April next year. I will hardly be around. Is this what I want? Ya kinda. I wanna be able to try new things. Alot of new things. But i have alot of fears. Will the people I love still be there. What will become of this relationship if I decide to go away for awhile. What will become of me? My future is blur.. very blur.. Just like me ?
Posted by jasmine at 10:21 AM
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Don't ask me what I want, I can't tell u ..But I can tell u what I DON'T want...
I have 2 more weeks to my mid sem..
I'm back in action...
No more buggy... No more fever
YEAH...
Posted by jasmine at 7:32 PM
Friday, June 24, 2005
i hate myself for falling sick... honestly i do.. its been 6 days n i have been out ... fever, runny nose, cough and vomitting..i can't go zoo, i can't go school.. i feel dizzy... i think i am seeing bright lights.. could this be.........Posted by jasmine at 1:49 PM
Thursday, June 23, 2005
i just woke up from my nap. this is the 5th day of my illness. i am so tried still. throughout the first 4 days my fever have been around 37.8-38.9.. sad.. now its gone thank god... i was like vomitting for 1 day and i didn't have any appetitte to eat anything.. well.. today the fever is gone.. but i'm still coughing... my runny nose is better but i still don't have the appetite to eat... actually my condition isn't my biggest worry... its my homework.. i have a project that is 2 days overdue .. resumes not written and another project due tomolo and somethings to prepare for Grp project... HOW HOW HOW DIE !Posted by jasmine at 10:13 AM
Monday, June 20, 2005
fever: 38.8 degrees.. i just took my temp again.. haha damn i'm HOT...its been one hell of a weekend .. from the mad rush to hand in my project on friday to some really horrible family thingy on sunday night...
i got a 2 day MC but should i stay home?
So tempted to do so .. the bed look so inviting .. but so much things to do .. How tomolo i still have to present my script.. how .. i really hope i can get better by tomolo..
Posted by jasmine at 10:29 AM
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Once I asked someone "Wouldn't it be really scary to spend the rest of your life with this particular person?"His reply was " No, if u love the person, the rest of your life with him/ her is not enough."
At that age I really didn't understand what he meant. I just gave him a face and walk away. U look at it this way, when u get married u have to live with someone. U eat, U sleep and u breath in the same place as that person. SCARY thought isn't it. At times I do get rather afraid of that thought.
This weekend I have been doing alot of thinking.(ok, i have been doing a lot of thinking since my mummy gave me a "it time u move on in life " talk) Maybe marriage isn't such a scary thing after all. Maybe it isn't that bad. I mean, there are people who have been married for years and they have not gone insane. So maybe its not that scary.
Everything seem to fall into place after this weekend. Suddenly I understad what my friend meant when he said "If u love a person, spending the rest of your life with him/ her is not enough"
I wouldn't say I am like super on to the idea of moving out and living a life without my parents. But now I wouldn't say I don't view that life as something scary or someting that would result in me becoming insane. I would think of it more like embarking on a new journey in life. One where by your partner is not some clown U find at the mall but someone who u love n is willing to walk down that road with u TOGETHER
Posted by jasmine at 8:36 PM
Thursday, June 16, 2005
sometimes i wonder wat's worst .. saying something and not doing it or not saying that thing and continue doing it.. what do i mean ? well .. there are alot of ppl out there who keep saying they wanna kick a bad habit but never do.. there are others who don't bother saying cos they know they would never kick that bad habit..i am very tired of this shit.. seriously.. its like i hear ppl going on and on abt how they want to change their lives, how they want to stop a back habit .. and in the end it goes back to square one.. i wake up in the morning, i go to school.. i hear ppl around me telling me how their life sucks and how they want a change.. i feel happy when they say that but at the same time very skeptical.. how many ppl actually do what they say?.. how many people actually try.. i know i don't .. thats y i give up telling ppl how i want to change my life.. or how i should be living my life.. i don't want to sound like an idoit who goes on on how to live better and don't do it and end up crying abt my terrible life again..
all talk but no action = NOTHING ...
Posted by jasmine at 8:30 PM
these are the ppl sitting beside me now !....
i'm in lecture.. very tired .. sleepy
going going GONE zzzzzzzzz
Posted by jasmine at 11:39 AM
Sunday, June 12, 2005
I just got off the phone with my darling. Today is our 8th month together. I wouldn't say it was extremely long nor would I say this 8 months is really short. In this short period of 8 months, I have grown so accustome to him quirky behaviours and moods. I am sure on his part he would have gotten use to my monthly PMS and horrible emo attacks. I have finally reached a verdict. He is a keeper. Yes he is worth my every minute. He is worth my constant worries and naggings.Y? cos I love him. Ok I shall not start preaching abt what is love but I can say what love is NOTLove is not self centred. It never is and never will be
Love is not abt what you can recieve but what you can give.
Love is not just about physical. Its the whole package.
Love is not about mushy letters and long lovey dovey conversations. It about committment, compromise and some times even emotional pain. (yes, when i mean compromise i mean giving up your fav tv show for your gal/guy.
Love is not abt looks and image. Its about how comfortable u are with a person
Right now i really have to quote my darling on this... he really touched me when he said this to me today
"U admire a person for their qualities,
U love a person for their inadequacy"
Darling i have no idea what i would do without u ... teddy bear
Posted by jasmine at 10:30 PM
The lights were blinding. The music jarring. This is the moment. My moment. As I made my way to the allocated position, I tried not to look too scared or too nervous. After sitting down, I looked at the rest of the cast. All of them had equally excitied faces. In the table on the far right of the stage, Patrica Mok was giving some guy a massage. Cheing Mun was sitting beside me and Beatric was running up and down the stage.I sat there trying to look natural, trying very hard indeed. The lights were seriously blinding. I tried to catch a glance of the audience. I saw the Prime Minister, Senior Minister and the Minister Mentor ! They were all sitting in a roll.If u ask me if how the show went, I would say, I honestly don't know. I was too distracted by the bright lights, sounds and cameras. Well, but one thing is for sure, last night was definatly a night that i would always remember.
Posted by jasmine at 8:00 PM
Saturday, June 11, 2005
this is so cOoL.. sEriouS!... i am gonna be acting in the PA 40th anniversary along side Kok Chieng Mun, Beatric CHia, Timothy Nga, Patrica Mok etc.. so FUN !! AhhHHH i can't wait :DPosted by jasmine at 11:16 AM
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I had one hell of a day. I came to class early onli to hear some guy asking us to vote for him..ok honestly.. DO I CARE.. hell no ! .. ok so we vote for u.. we let u be in the business studies club.. u attend countless meeting and set countless agendas.. but what changes are there in the school ? .. WHAO THERE ARE SO MANY .. bleach* .. seriously, stop wasting my time and stop wasting your time... take the time u spend on running for elections to study, go out, woo some girl .. or maybe GET A LIFE ? .. oh i forgot .. this is your life.. your life revolves around sch... how ignorant of me to actually think that everyone in the world knew what the REAL life is...
honestly i don't understand how this people can take it.. u do all this shit in secondary sch.. in poly u just wanna get over and done with life and well grad and get on with life.. like any employers are bothered if u were in the TPSU or if you were in Law Inc.. hint* hint*.. yes it will look good on a resume.. but wouldn't some life skills help? wouldn't job experience help too? oh well some times i think kids these days are too protected... i wouldn't say that i do not fall into this category.. sometimes i have to remind myself that life isn't abt how well you achieve in school.. achieving in school is good .. but look at it this way, u spend let say abt 15-18 years in sch.. how many years do u spend out there in the working world?.. its not a wonder that y some students fair so badly at SIP, its not a wonder y i couldn't take my first month working at a law firm...
ok i will not dispute the fact that i am damn pissed with that werid skinny white dorky chinese boy who came in to my class and wasted 10 precious minutes of my life tell me y i should vote for him... and until now i am still rather irritated by the stupid elections... trash hanging all over the sch.. super unprofessional posters and squeaking yr ones... and i do not want to go in to the reasons y i think the year ones are pest.. looks like this is gonna be a very long 11 weeks for me..
Posted by jasmine at 6:40 PM
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Time:222012 hours to my next lesson.. 12 hours to school... so many things to do .. one of my projects is due this friday. how sickening is tat !!! onli 2nd week of school !! argh
Posted by jasmine at 9:16 PM
Monday, June 06, 2005
Hehe nice picture right?! haha
Yup ... sigh i am so bored , spent the whole day at home ... sleep and sleep... hahaha i am sure that if i live alone i will die of malnutrition.. oh well ahaha... sigh.. i miss him.. the whole day my thoughts are just about him... seriously, thinking abt him is theraputic..
i'm feeling slightly better today... no more emo attacks today..i hope this would be the start to me getting out of my depress stage.... hehehe
Posted by jasmine at 7:40 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
something that i have learn this few days. yes i know what is my problem. just today i had another emo attack. the 3rd one this week. i literally cry myself to sleep. cry abt wat. i don't know. i am drowning . drowning in my own self pity. i have giving up trying to analyse the problem and the cause. since i am so depressed, i should just get a solution. thats what i did today. after so long, i finally manage to find the courage to go up for prayer. it was no immediate solution but i am sure it is the beginning. i told myself to do things i enjoy. so i went for lunch with jon and liang and they keep me laughing. those two clowns never fail to make me laugh. than i met rupen later.his presence is theraputic. seriously. just seeing him makes me feel all better. i know i have not been the perfect gf for the past 2 weeks. feel kinda bad that i have been pestering and irritating. my lack of control over my pitiful thoughts should never be an excuse to my childish behavior.
where is the jasmine that is so emtionally stable? where is the jasmine who can face any kind of shit?where is the jasmine that is always so happy and cheery? i have became such a depress bitch.. literally.. y? i also don;t know.. but what i knoe its that it has to STOP. no more. enough self pity and whinning. enough childish cries. enough enough. i need to pick myself up again.
i WILL pick myself up again.
Posted by jasmine at 9:17 PM
Friday, June 03, 2005
Can u belive it, i slept from 4pm til 730pm.... the surprising part is tat i still feel sleepy.. sigh.. tomolo is the weekend... another long weekend... how i wish i could get a change.. its surprising that i prefer the weekdays more to the weekend...Posted by jasmine at 7:12 PM
I am so tired ... Really i am .. in a week, i have been forcing myself to sleep.. i have so many things on my mind ... i don't like my new class.. ok thre are a few who i can tahan... but there are a greater few who i can't.... i wanna do so many things after i grad.. i wanna fly, i wanna become an actress.. i wanna teach.. etc etc..right now i am so fucking tired of my class... i come so early in the morning to hear gossips and complains.. feel how fucking old are u ? i wanna grad asap.. i want outta here.. i hate this ! i really do.. i need a break.. any kind.. just give me a break..
i am getting very fustrated with myself.. i really am... crying my self to sleep.. screaming in the dark... i hate this feeling i get.. i hate this feeling or being lost ...