Saturday, April 15, 2006
Its funny how people try to make themselves happy. I know of people who go on major shopping sprees. I know of friends who resort to sleeping with every possible guy around. I know of people who get themselves pissed drunk to forget. These are the extremes.
How do you make yourself happy?
I make myself happy simply by being alone. Surprisingly, being alone is something theraputic. When I say being alone, I dont mean sitting in my little corner and sulking. I mean, going on long walks without my handphone or simply turning off my phone for a good half a day. It helps me keep myself in check. I know I have been going off balance these pass few weeks. Why? I am irritated that I dont have a job, I am pissed with alot of things. Being alone helps me keep myself in check. I can't always resort to sleeping can I.
But this is not about me. Its about You. How do you make yourself happy? Have you found one thing that would make you happy? Does it truely make you happy? Dont give me the bullshit about finding the one true love or ideal job. Seriously, you think your true love or ideal job will always make you happy? Somehow happiness is not something you find from others or objects. I feel that happiness is the sense you get when you are at peace with yourself.
So, now the question is ... Are you at peace with yourself?
I know I am not truely happy. Dont get me wrong, I am not depress and shit. I am just not at peace with myself. I am still living in the "what ifs" What if I was given the chance to go Aussie? What if I had applied for mass comm instead of law? What if I did not screw my SIA interview? What if I hadn't do this or that? What ifs....I know life is sad when you have all these issues. But somehow, no matter how hard I try not to think about them they come back. They are like ghost of my past, leeches sucking me of my future. I want to let go, but I can't. Not just yet. And when I am alone, I hear the screams of my "what ifs" ....
Posted by jasmine at 11:11 PM