Friday, December 30, 2005

With merely hours away to the new year, I can't help but feel down. Its the new year! Shouldn't I be happy and thankful that this year is over. Don't get me wrong, I am not some ungrateful brat who just snatches away the candy and eats it without sharing it or saying thank you to the person who gave it. I am grateful for this year, for every thing that has happened. I am indeed thankful for everyone who has been through 2005 with me. However, there are some heart wrenching issues that have seem to poped up mysteriously over the course of christmas and the upcoming new year.

These issues serves as very bad and rude wake up calls. Try this, your mother coming into your room and crying and saying its your fault that your brother doesnt want to go to church. She threatens to call up your bf and ask him seriously ridiciously things. Your insane relative fabricated some allegation agaisnt you and now your mother thinks that you are cheating on your bf and you have became a drug addict. (rolls eyes*) My life should be made into some drama serial airred on all the 4 main channels. I bet it would be a HIT! Golden horse award, mtv award, grammy award, you name it and my life story will get it. Isn't it interesting?

I can picture it, episode one, opening scene: Girl is fast asleep, suddenly the door is swang open, some one stomps in.. WHO IS IT? ...... ITS the MOTHER!(oh the suspense)She stand there and looks at girl.. then.. sob* soB* tears run down her cheek.. sob* Sob* in an angry tone she says.. "its your fault your brother is not going church" .. Freeze frame.. than the advertisment comes on... Oh i can just picture it.. hmm and what should it be called.. "Episode One: This is home what!" ... How interesting

No matter how much I joke about it I am hurt deeply. I really am. I am so tired of all this bullshit. I don't want 2006 to come. I want a replay of 2005 and redo everything I did wrong. I want a chance to actually react to my siutation. I want a chance to be able embrace each scream and hit with grace. I want a chance to DECIDE. I am sick and tired of people assuming I would do certian things, I am sick and tired of everything being my fault.....

Hmm U know what, I think I just formulated my 2006 resolution. Lets hope I will pull through this new year.

Posted by jasmine at 7:00 PM